You've probably clicked on this because you recognise the feeling of doing things to make other people happy. You know, saying yes to things, even when you don't want to do them? Or the deflated feeling you get because you're always putting other people's needs before your own?
People-pleasers always try to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing their own happiness. Of course there's nothing wrong with being thoughtful and kind to people. In fact, these are great qualities to have! But when people-pleasing starts to take over your life and you start to neglect your own needs, that's when it becomes a problem. The balance has tipped.
If you do these things, you're probably a people-pleaser:
You always say yes, even when you don't want to do something. People-pleasers are often afraid of saying no, because they don't want to disappoint others or are scared of other people not liking them.
You put other people's needs before your own. People-pleasers often neglect their own needs in order to take care of the needs of others.
You're always trying to please everyone. People-pleasers often feel like they have to be perfect in order to please everyone.
You're easily led. People-pleasers are often easy to convince, because they're known for being a 'yes' person.
If you identify with any of these things, you are probably have a tendency towards being a people-pleaser. But don't worry, there are things you can do to be kind to yourself as well as others!
Here are a few tips to help you stop people-pleasing:
Be honest with yourself about your motives. Why are you trying to please others? Are you trying to avoid conflict? Are you trying to be liked? Once you understand your motives, you can start to change your behavior.
Set boundaries. It's important to be able to say no to others. If you're always saying yes, you'll eventually resent it. Learn to say no to things that you don't want to do or that you don't have time for.
Focus on your own needs. What do you need in order to be happy? What are your goals and priorities? Once you know what you want, you can start to make choices that are aligned with your needs and goals.
Be assertive. Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear and direct (and kind) way. When you're assertive, you're able to stand up for yourself and get your needs met.
Practice self-care. Self-care is important for everyone, but it's especially important for people-pleasers. Make sure to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Do things that make you happy and that help you to relax and de-stress.
People-pleasing can be a difficult habit to break, but with time, effort, and practice, you can learn to consider your own needs as well as everyone else's.
If you want some support in facing up to your inner People Pleaser, look after yourself and get in touch!
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